Well, let me just start by disassembling some things that might be holding you back. Or, to put it in a different way: Let me open up the curtains to shed some light here and there on things that you do. To bring them to light or put them in a different perspective.
Not that you haven’t explored enough on your own… I would never say that. But because we get caught so easily.
It’s really something …
We are so full of ideas and images that we don’t necessarily want or even are aware of. Unconscious of our beliefsystem we don’t allow the True Lover in ourselves to step forward and come closer. We get caught up in thinking about todays issues and disregard the big picture. Not knowing how do change, we keep doing what we already did.
In this limited space, deepdown we don’t feel the way we want to feel.
There are plenty of myths that keep us imprisoned. I could have easily made a list of 50 myths and beyond.
There are many, often small, things that have enormous impact. The stories that we tell ourselves often subconsciously stop us from experiencing the brighter side of life.
I start with these 10 + 1. These are, for starters, the basic misunderstandings that have become our myths.
Not every one of them is necessarily your personal myth. Nevertheless it can be enlightening to look where there is a hint of them in your belief system that keep you locked in your humdrum reality, instead of being as Alive & Loving as you would like to be, as you really are.
We will deconstruct the myths and I’ll be giving you some interesting tools to do so.
An entryway for you to explore anew.
An entryway that allows you to surrender more and more to the True Lover in you that you would like to show up as more often. The one that fullfills you.
The one that gives you more Zest, Lust for Life and the Art of Lovingness every day.
Feeling it?
Here we go.
Put on your rose colored glasses…
Über Myth: Man and Woman are the same
Key to deconstructing the ‘Über Myth’
Think again. Dare to be different. And celebrate it!
Men and women are équal, but most certainly nót the same. (Fun Fact: More differences have been discovered between men and women than between mankind and the Bonobo monkey!) Being fully aware that we are both equal ánd different, is what makes it all the more festive and attractive. Within the Love Art Academy of Lovingness we make full use of the desire that has been growing lately among men and women to grow into their ‘manliness’ and their ‘femininity’ more.
‘Dressed down’ version to give you a quick idea of the spectrum
Most women have a feminin essence, a foundation, within them. Most men have a masculin essence. These two are the opposites that attract each other. This is what we long for! The greater the tension, the greater the attraction. It is inescapable, like magnets. Enough for now about ‘Opposites Attract’ between two people, m/f. More on this later.
… Read more about Uber Myth
Myth 1: But aren’t I already a True Lover?
Key to deconstruction
Take a look and check it out!
What is a True Lover?
The Love Art Academy of Lovingness has it’s own views on being a True Lover… our own definition. There’s even a ‘dictionary’
Lovingness, the 10 requisites, from the ‘Lovingness Dictionary of the Academy’
- A man or woman who loves to experience a deep level of intimacy with himself or herself, life and his or her lover. They wanna feel Alive & Loving! Whether they are single or in a committed relationship of some form, they go for a higher standard of quality of (love)life.
- A man or woman who wants to create or use more space, to taste more fully the juice of life.
- Who dares to embrace fully his masculinity or her femininity, living The Next Step.
… Read more about Myth 1
Myth 2: He should take the lead more and she should nag less
2.a. “He could be more present and take the lead more. Being real and steady for me. This would make our relationship a lot more fun and valuable.”
2.b. “If she wasn’t such a control-freak and would stop nagging at me for everything. Be softer and more welcoming, our relationship would be a lot nicer and I would feel more comfortable in it.”
Key to deconstruction
Start with yourself!
This is thé key. Both thoughts and wishes are right and true… The myth is that the other has to make the change. Yóu start! Be more of who you would like to be. Feel into how that is. Don’t wait for the other person to make a change.
Magic will happen.
… Read more about Myth 2
Myth 3: Our lack of intimacy and contactfulness is normal, it’s part of having a busy life.
Key to deconstruction
Create and use the space for Lovingness!
Making space for Lovingness takes care of restoring and even enlarging intimacy.
To start with: Make sure you have at least 1 moment of true contact. A few minutes in which you take time to really see, hear and most importantly touch each other. As a man and a woman – as Lovers – True Lovers: not like you would a mother/father/colleague/roommate/customer etc.
This is basic stuff. There are no excuses!
Enjoy yourself and your loved one in the contact with each other and see how much the world changes for you.
It’s also good to spend time alone, away from your loved one.
… Read more about Myth 3
Mythe 4: I don’t want a relationship right now, leave my body at peace. I’m not ready for the next love-illusion. I’m fine on my own.
Key to deconstruction
Turn it around!
You want an intensly satisfying relationship, please rile my body up. I’m looking forward to a life full of Lovingness. Your foundation is a beautiful and loving relationship with yourself and with life!
Disappointments happen a lot in relationships. That doesn’t mean you don’t want a relationship (anymore). Just not in the same way you had them before.
Time to make The Next Step: the more you travel the road of the True Lover, the more you grow towards a relationship that does fulfill you.
You will be ready for the type of partner or relationship you want, and you will be more attractive to these men and/or women. Also within an existing relationship things start to shift when someone starts to focus more on Lovingness. It only takes one to start, so no more excuses, no matter how scary it may feel, how much fear of failure you have.
A new reality is dawning. And yes… It really can happen.
…Read more about Myth 4
Myth 5: It may not be perfect, my relationship, or my being single, but it is the best I can hope for.
Key to deconstruction
Don’t settle for less! Go for the good stuff.
The relationship you have or want you can distinquish between ‘good stuff’ and ‘not so good stuff’. You have a choice. If you’re single, have the best relationship imaginable with yourself and your life. That will make a difference and give you fulfillment in the moment, and in your next choice of relationship. A m/f who is filled with (self)love is irresistable to m/f’s who are just like that. No more hollow shells, but fulfilled love. Yummy.
In or within a relationship, choose the best match and don’t be tempted to settle for anything less than what you would want.
… Read more about Myth 5
Myth 6: I want to experience more love and this is impossible without being in a (good) relationship
Key to deconstruction
Stop closing yourself off (consciously or subconsciously)!
Love is phenomenal and omnipresent. It’s multicolored and takes on many shapes. You only need yourself as a channel to experience it. When you are truly connected to yourself, to life itself and the people around you, you will always be able to allow lovingness and you will feel rich. A (good) relationship or a lover can help you experience the love inside you in a deeper way, but it can never bring it to you! (A True Lover cán give you loads of good things of course, and in each other’s presence it’s easier to connect to that deeper level of Lovingness!)
Love is. The only thing a person can do about it, is disconnect from it (feel seperate from it) or open up to it (feel connected). This is how you decide whether you’re plugged in to the love channel, or not.
… Read more about Myth 6
Myth 7: You can only have sex if you’re aroused. And if you are aroused, this automatically means you want and have sex. It’s the same for men and women.
Key to deconstruct
Step away from your stagnant ideas about sexuality. Step into the uncharted territory or sex!
Believing the ‘current’ way of defining what sex is all about, sex is easily devalued to being ‘the state of arousal with a goal oriented movement’.
Sex for the True Lover is so much more
It is the bringing together of the energies and bodies (whenever there is more than one) and entering in a lovegame that can go every which way: slow, caring, wild, tender, discovering, using all senses, being moved, as a man, as a woman, by the energy of your essence and by allowing yourself to be led by how your body wants to move, without ‘preconceived notions’ or ‘habits’, with freedom and awareness. In intimacy. Contactful. And taking your time about it. Ladies love that!
And you will notice that.
There is no set protocol going like: foreplay – penetration – afterglow. Those terms seem to solidified as frameworks of ‘lovemaking’ that we uncomfortably move about in. (What do I do now? Am I doing it right? Etc…)
Let’s face it, that doesn’t sound like a very liberating experience does it? But Lovingness is just that. Liberating.
… Read more about Myth 7
Myth 8: Freedom ánd love ánd lust for life ánd desire ánd wanting to experience pleasure… that’s too much to ask for.
Key to deconstruction
Feel free to ask for everything that is your birthright too!
The road of the True Lover appearantly is paved with gold. By embracing all of this and really owning it, you turn on, both inside and out.
And we love people who are turned on. They are irresistable. Complete in themselves, fantastic to be two-gether with. And they do the things that really matter.
And of course, when there’s the occasional hiccup in the road, as a True Lover you don’t shy away from that, but follows the path to connectedness with yourself, love and your essence as a man or woman, your masculin and feminin sides and qualities.
… Read more about Myth 8
Myth 9: I don’t get any (or few) complaints, that means it’s okay between us. Also within our sexlife.
Key to deconstruction
Can your ears hear it? Can your mouth say it? Speak up, listen in.
The feminin inside us (m/f) speaks about feelings and desires. Esspecially women need to learn how to speak out more (yes, really..) Speaking your feelings befóre they pick up an emotional charge with an emotional outburst as a result. Or befóre you withdraw from your partner and with an emotional implosion as a result.
This can seem or be very scary. The result will astonish you. It did me.
A new world unfolds.
A man won’t withdraw anymore, for instance because he hasn’t a clue about what is going on anymore and it’s wearing him out. Instead you’re coming across loud & clear, no more white noise on your channel.
Now the reception: are you open to hearing what is going on? Can you take it in?
… Read more about Myth 9
Myth 10: Habits and patterns are difficult to change. You have to talk a lot to have a god relationship. We are each others best coaching
Key to deconstruction
Shut up and let your body do the talking
Keep a watchful eye out so you don’t step into the trappings of a ‘therapeutic relationship’. Also, women might step into a mothering role and men into a fatherfigure. Don’t go there! Or take a step back. The True Lover in you knows better. Give that knowing it’s rightful place. No matter how scary (or new) it may be.
By having an excellent connection to yourself, your own body and having lot’s of (physical) contact with the other person, you can experience more directly what really is going on and what is needed, instead of thinking about what is needed.
… Read more about Myth 10
